Category: Parent Talk
I took my daughter to the doctor the other day for shots and a check up. I voiced some concerns I have about her and didn't get much of a response. I did, however, get the twenty questions about how I care for my child being blind. Chloe's doctor asked me if my house is safe for Chloe, if I can watch her, who cooks our meals, do I have help and how often and how long,. She also asked me like three times if I live alone with Chloe as if she couldn't comprehend that. She says she's going to send a health nurse to evaluate Chloe's development. Usually when I get asked all those questions, I get visits from child protective services shortly there after. I'm wondering if there's any way to get past all of that? or is it something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. What's most annoying is when they talk to me like I'm retarded and don't know what to be careful of at my daughter's age. She is 17 months old and into everything and it bothers me when people feel the need to judge because i can't see her.
Hi
I have never had to deal with this, but here is what I would do in your situation:
1. Write the hospital/doctors office or health system that this doctor belongs to an email with a very politely worded complaint about the services you got from this doctor.
I think you should specify that you understand being blind poses challenges to caring for a child and you appreciate that medical people are aware of this and you are sure that the doctor in question had the child's best interests at heart, that being said you felt mistreated and treated in a demeaning manner by that professional and you feel this is unacceptable. Ask that the place conduct some sort of sensitivity training or have a presentation about parenting and blinness and offer to speak to them about it (if you are willing to do so).
2. Write to the NFB, ask if there is any awareness campaign they are conducting, or willing to conduct for blind parents or if there is a network of blind parents willing to go out there and educate people. One thing NFB are good at is campaigning so they might be willing to work on your behalf.
3. If they want a CPS representative to come for a follow up visit, let him or her, but then insist that person either accompany you to the doctors office or report directly to them and point out he/she feels, by your description, that you deserve an apology from the doctor's office and you should be treated with more trust and respect going forward. Let them attest to the fact you are doing a good job of parenting (which I am sure you are) and let it be known.
Someone else probably has better ideas, but this is how I would treat the matter, politely but firmly resisting being treated like an idiot.
I would actually contact a civil rights group or a discrimination group about this. Granted, it's always best to insure that the child is being well-cared for. However, her insistance on asking such questions, particularly when you were there for a normal check up, when there was no cause i.e. bruises or the child seeming to be traumatised in any way, to grill you so extensively on these basic things and especially when your own questions weren't answered. They need to get a firm message that this kind of behaviour is unacceptible. I'd specifically point out the "do you live alone" question being asked more than once and the threat, for that's how I'd percive it, of child services being sent to your home.
I agreewithllthat's been said. I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. I think you should try ALL the blindness advocacy groups because one or the other might have some way of educating/advocating for you. I also think you should search for a Legal Rights group that specifcally deals with issues concerning the disabled. We have one in our area that will represent the disabled and give legal consultation either for free or for a small fee. I feel that you are being discriminated against and I think this deserves some action on your part. If you are taking good care of your daughter, nobody should be up in your business like that! That's unnecessary and uncalled for! You get 'em, mommy! Fight for that baby!
Hi, eveyone has braught up very valid points, and It feels like discrimination. I wonder if its possible to find another doctor that is a little more educated and less judgemental. I hope this helps.
Blessings,
1. Get a new doctor. You need a health care professional who you can trust. She is paranoid about your healthy daughter. Eventually your daughter will break a bone, or get a serious cut, or a pretty nasty looking burn, or some other perfectly normal childhood injury, and if this woman is so "concerned" and ignorant now, what do you think she will do when your daughter actually has something wrong?
2. Do. not. let. a. home. health. nurse. in. to. your. home. Once there is a foot in the door you are in the system, on the record with CPS. There is no reason for one, and if you humor the doctor you are admitting incompitance, guilt, fear or whatever else they will manufacture and enlarge until they have a "case" for taking your daughter away from you.
3. You owe your doctor no explanation, but to prevent being flagged as a no-show, find a new doctor, right now, then once you have an appointment scheduled with them, be sure to notify your old doctor in writing and over the phone of your switching to another practice, and do not feel obligated to give a reason, if you don't want to get into it with her.
4. People are saying, "Fight it." "Get NFB or ACB involved." etc, but although these battles need to be waged, it is not your job, and do you want to piss off this lady and have your custady of your child in her hands while she is angry with you? Hell no. If you want to lodge a complaint against her after you have switched to a doctor who trusts you, respects you and can vouch for you, go right ahead, the more power to you. But as a single, blind mother, you need to make sure that you and your child are safe before waiding in to do battle. Do not violate your own rights simply to make your doctor feel better. If a doctor asked me a question like that, let alone several, I would calmly inform her that she had just lost a patient, due to her ignorance and extreme lack of tact, then I would march my butt out of there, while dialing my cell phone, 411, to look for pediatric practices in my area, to set up interviews with multiple potential doctors, who I would question about their knowledge of blind people and blind parents, as well as their experiences and views towards them before selecting a doctor I could really trust.